


maybe we will wake up singing

by micahgranados



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, i love him so so much, im sorry, mal is so underrated, there is some fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micahgranados/pseuds/micahgranados
Summary: “what are we gonna do after this?”he laughed again. i always treasured it when mal laughed because, again, it’s not something he did often. “after?” he shook his head incredulously. “i haven’t dared think about an after.”where mal and alina talk about their plans for after the war.
Relationships: Mal Oretsev/Alina Starkov
Kudos: 8





	maybe we will wake up singing

**Author's Note:**

> looking for a malina fic with no smut? you’ve come to the right place :) and apparently you have TASTE!!!! i will defend mal to my death i absolutely ADORE him
> 
> this takes place somewhen in ruin and rising! i imagined it as one of the nights they spent whilst hunting the firebird!

the cold of the night started to get to me so i looked over to mal to see if he had a spare corner of a blanket i could steal. i started tugging at it when he rolled over.

“alina?” he whispered. “are you okay?”

“just cold,” i whispered back.

in the dimness, i saw him roll his eyes. maybe he expected me to be less susceptible to the cold now that i wasn’t all skin and bones and could summon sunlight.

“here.” he handed me his whole blanket.

“mal—“ i began to protest.

“we need you well rested.”

“i can’t rest if we’re talking.”

“then goodnight.”

he started to roll over but i put a hand on his shoulder. we held each other’s gaze for a heartbeat, his dark eyes wide. after the darkling, i tended not to like dark things that much. blue kefta; white hair. but i knew mal’s darkness. i knew the ways his eyes dart when he’s scared and i knew he wished he felt less. mal, i’ve known all my life. and those dark eyes of his hold so much hope. 

“how do you think it’s gonna go tomorrow?” i asked, trying to keep the wobble out my voice.

mal was always so steady. he was a hand grasped tightly around your wrist helping you cross the river. “there’s no point worrying about things we can’t control.” he said sternly, reminding me of ana kuya. not that i’d ever tell him that.

“but i  _ can _ control it.” my throat began to feel tight. i reached out for his hand and nearly started at how cold it was.

“then believe in yourself, alina.” he almost sounded exasperated. “i know i do.”

that compliment sank into me like a warm bath. mal didn’t say a lot, but when he did, he always chose his words so perfectly.

“tell me a story,” i blurted.

he laughed. “what are we, six?”

“your mental age is,” i retorted. a beat. “please?”

“i think our lives right now are more exciting than anything i’d ever conjure.”

the sadness in his voice broke my heart more than i was expecting. i knew i never wanted any of this, but mal certainly didn’t. i knew the reason he still stayed. because he loved me. i was the only thing tying him to this. he could die because of me. he could die  _ for _ me.

“then…” i struggled to console him. “what are we gonna do after this?”

he laughed again. i always treasured it when mal laughed because, again, it’s not something he did often. “after?” he shook his head incredulously. “i haven’t dared think about an after.”

“then let’s do it now,” i pleaded, squeezing his hand.

it was silent for a moment. then he let out a small sigh. if i didn’t know him better, i would’ve thought he was smiling. “back in keramzin, i had this… dumb daydream.”

“dumber than your normal thoughts?”

“do you want me to tell you or not?”

“carry on.”

“i— i used to imagine us living together. somewhere on the outskirts of os alta, maybe. next to a big woodland.”

“what do we do there?” i asked, shifting closer to him. i could just feel his breath on my face.

“i don’t know,” he let out a nervous laugh, like when we were little and i fell over in the meadow. “maybe we raise chickens.”

“we’ve already got you.”

“i deserted the army for you, alina.”

“i bet you’re so glad you did.” i replied sweetly.

he readjusted his grip on my hand. his fingers brushed against my scar, and i shuddered. “we have have lie ins every morning,” he continued. “and we don’t— there’s no saint stuff. no army. it’s just you and me—“

“and our chickens.”

“and our chickens.” a smile tugged at his lips and for once he didn’t resist it. “just you and me,” he whispered, and i felt like i was intruding on a mantra. “like it’s always been.”

i squeezed his hand again. he’s right. it’s always been us. when the hope is stripped away and everyone has betrayed me and i’m nothing but a scared little girl in a kefta that’s too big for me, what’s left? mal. even though he didn’t want to be here, he stayed. he stayed for me.

“am i still grisha?”

that’s where he faltered. and i faltered too. in our perfect life, am i who i am, and who i’ve always been? or am i the alina that has twigs for elbows and can’t even run down the stairs without being winded? to be honest, i didn’t know which version or myself i would rather be. mal did. i knew he hated all of this. but he could never bring himself to hate me. even though i brought the both of us nothing but pain.

“what do you want to be?” was his quiet response.

“i don’t think i know,” i admitted thickly, curling in on myself under my blanket.

“then we’ll figure it out later.”

“i never wanted to be grisha. but i always was.”

i never told him the real reason as to why i didn’t show my powers until now. his head was already large enough. he didn’t need to know that i refused them for him. so i could stay with him a little longer. sometimes, i found myself thinking about what would’ve happened if i never repressed them. would i have been too far under the darkling’s influence? would i have ever seen mal again? would i have aided the expansion to of the shadow fold? i don’t want to think about it. about who i could’ve been. and who i almost was.

“you need to get some sleep.” mal said gruffly.

i scowled. but, really, i should’ve known that mal never stayed soft for too long. he thought it weakens you. like when i didn’t kill the stag. but the stag showed me that i am kind and merciful and i’m not as selfish i sometimes think i am. and that’s what the darkling doesn’t have: kindness, mercy, selflessness.

i laughed. “could you at least kiss me goodnight?” i attempted with a smooth sugariness i’ve heard genya deploy on david.

i got a light kick in the shins instead.

mal rolled over and i let him. the absence of his hand in mine felt heavy; a broken shard of cup slicing my palm. like my own little mantra, i ran my finger down that scar on my hand. that was the first time i had bled for mal, and i was oblivious to just how many more times i would.

mal had never been selfish. everything he did, he did for me. learned to sleep with the light off. hunted the stag. deserted the army. became my general. pushed me away. fought by me.

and then a thought came to me, so bizarre and sudden, i snorted. we both repressed parts of ourselves so the other would stay. my powers. his dreams. and now those parts of us, so deeply detestable, are out. and we still stayed.

mal thought he couldn’t give me anything because he couldn’t give me a crown or an army. but i never wanted any of that. all i’d ever wanted was him.

**Author's Note:**

> hello thank you so much for reading!! i’m sorry if the tenses are a bit whack sometimes i usually write in present tense third person but i decided to write the same was as leigh did in s&b and it was quite hard lol
> 
> literally why are malina so cute they’re just best friends that bully each other what’s not to love i don’t get how people hate them :(


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